Season’s Nightmare
by RoseOwl
Summary: Kyle goes holiday shopping with Lori and Hilary and learns a valuable lesson.
1. Chapter 1

"**Season's Nightmare**."

**8:52 AM**

**Outside the Trager home on a brisk December morning**. . .

**Kyle's Xmas Observation One**: "Though it is competitive and combative in action, shopping is oddly not defined as a sport."

* * *

"Okay, everyone got their coats on? Great. Let's go," Lori announced.

"Where are we going?" Declan asked, suspiciously.

Lori cleared her throat nervously. "Uh, shopping. Holiday shopping."

"Is there anyone else joining us?"

"Maybe, uh, Hilary," Lori mumbled, quickly.

"Oh god," Declan moaned.

"Is that bad?" Kyle asked, perplexed at Declan's distress.

"Bad? It's the nightmare before Christmas!" Declan exclaimed.

Lori grabbed his arm and pleaded with puppy dog eyes. "_C'mon_, Declan. She said she'd be good this year."

"No way. She said that last year. I'm bailing," Declan said, pulling away.

"This is just not a good time for her. We have to be understanding," Lori said.

"Yeah. Good luck with that," Declan said, and promptly stalked off down the front yard.

"Why isn't this a good time for Hilary?" Kyle asked, his foster sister.

"Uh, Hilary doesn't have the best family situation. And I think the combination of loneliness and low sale prices kind of addles her mind."

"Hey, you two!"

"Speak of the she devil," Lori murmured, under her breath.

"You guys ready to rumble! The stores better look out! We're coming to conquer!" Hilary exclaimed, red faced.

Lori sniffed the air and frowned. "Hilary. How much egg nog did you have this morning?"

"Not enough," Hilary said, brightly.

Lori stared.

_Oh god._

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Kyle XY.


	2. Chapter 2

**9:05 AM**

**Kyle's Xmas Observation Two**

"Though sparkling and pretty, tinsel may be a weapon of mass destruction."

* * *

"God, Lori if you drive any slower Christmas will have already passed!"

Lori whirled around at her best friend red faced. "We just backed out of the driveway a few minutes ago, Hills!"

Hilary wasn't a bit fazed. "_Exactly_."

Kyle felt the tension reaching atomic levels and thought of something uplifting to ease it. "Hey, let's sing some Christmas Carols!"

Hilary smiled at Kyle brightly. "Great idea, Kyle. Follow my lead, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Jingle Bells, Lori snails, Declan ain't got laid--"

"Hey! Hey!" Lori exclaimed.

"What?" Hilary asked, nonchalant.

"Tighten those seat belts, we're gonna reach the mall in five minutes even if I have to break the sound barrier," Lori grumbled.

"But Lori that is not possible," Kyle said, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, today you get to witness a miracle courtesy of Lori Trager."

Hilary and Kyle looked at each other for a moment and then together:

"Jingle Bells, Lori snails, Declan--"

"Shut it!"


	3. Chapter 3

**9:36 AM**

**Kyle's Xmas Observation Three**

"Saying "ho ho ho" is considered merry. Strangely, simply saying "ho" is considered offensive."

* * *

Lori inspected the underside of her black designer boot as gagging sounds littered the background.

She wished Declan was here. This would have been a good time to make out.

Kyle leaned over a vomiting Hillary who seemed to be splattering her all of her insides on the parking lot pavement.

Every couple of seconds, he would halfheartedly pat her back. However, Kyle was far more interested in examining the lumpy liquid coming through her lips.

"Are you through yet, Hills?!" Lori called from the other side of the car. She refused to be present to the "dumping."

Hillary managed to catch a breath from her gagging. "I don't know, Lori. It's not like I have a particular graffiti design in mi nd for the parking lot. And thanks, for being sympathetic. _Not_."

"It tastes salty."

"What tastes like what, Kyle?" Lori asked.

"Her vomit."

Hilary's answer to this revelation was to simply throw up seconds.


	4. Chapter 4

**10:14 AM**

**Kyle's Xmas Observation Four**

"I have deduced the mall to be a failed social experiment."

* * *

Lori felt relieved that they got into the mall without any further dilemma. She liked to ease into the mall experience by doing some window shopping.

She had thought Kyle and Hillary were on the same page.

_Of course_, she had been wrong.

"Kyle, where did Hilary go?"

Kyle nodded to the front of a women's clothing store. "She's having a disagreement with an old lady in the grey knit sweater."

Lori didn't even hesitate as she sprinted toward her friend who was suddenly shrieking:

"HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'LL BE ALIVE NEXT YEAR TO WEAR IT?!?!"

The old lady cowered in a corner as Hilary brandished a lavender scarf around her neck in triumph.

"Hilary! What the hell are you doing?" Lori cried, as she reached her friend.

Hilary cocked her head. "Doing? I'm shopping. Is this scarf super cute or what?"

"I'm _so_ sorry. She has a mental condition," Lori said to the frightened woman.

"Excuse me?" Hilary said, frowning.

Lori grabbed her shoulder and pulled her away before she did more damage.

"Why don't you and Kyle check out that little boutique over there? You can help him pick out something for Amanda."

Hilary's frown turned into a smile. "Great idea! Amanda is definitely the sort of person who would accept a cheap little trinket. Heck, she might even prefer a homemade macaroni set. I wonder if they sell those too?"

Lori rolled her eyes as she beckoned Kyle over.

She left them with the intent on finding a drugstore for some Tylenol.


	5. Chapter 5

**10:49 AM**

**Kyle's Xmas Observation Five**

"Do elves dream of red nosed sheep?"

* * *

Kyle was very happy to get help for picking out a gift for Amanda. But a more pressing question was on his mind.

"Hilary. Who do you think Santa is?"

Hilary looked up from evaluating some gold hoop earrings as Kyle looked at her with curiosity.

"Mama Trager never went over this with you?"

"She did. But everyone seems to have a different answer. I want to hear your opinion."

Hilary smiled sweetly. That is so . . . _Kyle_.

"Well, I believe Santa is our great fat spirit of commercialism. He's like your cool uncle who spend all his money on you in hope of getting favors."

"What kind of favors?"

Hilary blinked. "Um, that's not important. What's important is that we embrace this spirit. You can even think of it as the national spirit."

"National spirit?"

"Greed."

"Oh."

Hilary scooted close to Kyle. _No Lori in sight_, she thought happily.

"So, Kyle. You know what Lori and Declan got me for Christmas?"

"They got you something for Christmas?"

It was questions like these that started the World War.


	6. Chapter 6

**11:17 AM**

**Kyle's Xmas Observation Six**

"It is a wonder that once the holiday is over, everyone is more relieved than sad."

* * *

Lori didn't know how she knew but she did. The horrible feeling that Hilary was _losing_ it somewhere.

She pushed her way through the busy crowd and sure enough there was a nervous crowd in front of the boutique. She squirmed through the mass of bodies and found a hyperventilating Hilary bent over.

"What happened Kyle?!"

Kyle gave Lori a wounded puppy dog look as he held on to Hilary's shoulders.

"I think I broke her national spirit."

Lori shook her head and leaned down to face her friend.

"Hilary?"

Hilary took a deep shuddering breath. "Yes, Lori?"

"You know how you promised you wouldn't go crazy at the mall this year?"

"Yeah."

"You're not keeping your promise."

Hilary glanced at the crowd gathered around them and immediately straightened up.

"You're right. Okay, people! Nothing more to see here!" Hilary shouted.

The crowd dispersed gradually as they walked away to the food court.

"I think we should head home now," Lori said.

"I don't think Hilary's ready to go," Kyle said, looking behind him.

Lori didn't even want to know.

"Lori?"

"What is it, Kyle?"

"I don't think shopping is good for your health," Kyle said, as he watched Hilary body slam a sales lady at the store behind them.

"Well, that's a lesson learned there."

THE END

* * *

Author's note: Well, I decided to go ahead and wrap this fic up earlier than planned. I didn't get much reviews so I guess it wasn't too good. Thanx for reading! 


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